I was thinking the other day about how incredibly important the Law is to Jewish identity and their relationship to God. Through the Law, God was calling to Himself a people He wanted as His very own.  Since the Law is about defining a new kind of relationship with God perhaps we can think of it in terms of a young couple about to get married. What's going through their minds as they dream of the future? How might the Law help a couple plan their new life together? What would it mean for them and the health of their relationship? Perhaps from this  little exercise we can begin to understand what God want in a relationship rather than see them as just a list of do's and don'ts. Let me know what you think.

Exodus 20: 1 And God spoke all these words:

(1) "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me."

"Anyone who has been married, thinking about marriage, or even dating occasionally, understands the importance exclusivity in a growing relationship. Nothing will destroy a love relationship faster than betrayal and divided affections. As a husband and wife come together in marriage, the idea that this new relationship excludes all other intimate relationships is central to the marriage vow. There is a saying during the ceremony that goes, 'foresaking all others be faithful to him/her as long as you both shall live.' I really cannot understand how polygamy works or why people would want to be a part of it. But any marriage worth its salt makes exclusivity an absolute. There's no point going forward if this one isn't part of their relationship. God feels the same way. In Egypt there were many gods and you never knew which one was mad, happy, or just needed to be appeased a bit more. God says I want an exclusive relationship, there will absolutely be no fooling around between us."

How many marriages have been destroyed because the passion, intimacy, and commitment that once warmed their hearts was displaced by other lovers. You may know their more common names: career, sports, social clubs, golf, shopping, bars and even children can displace the relationship of the marriage covenant. Sometimes we do them thinking that we're doing all for the good of the family or the spouse, when in fact all the family or spouse wanted was more of us. When we displace intimacy with tasks we've created an idol. God wants a relationship with you that is not bound by what you can do for Him, what you can imagine Him to be, or even how religious you are, only that you are His and His alone.  We might consider this to be akin to spiritual adultery. We'll deal with a different kind of adultery later.

(2) "You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

I suppose this seems a bit repetitious especially after the last commandment, but for a young couple it is crucial. I think its all about appreciation of the now not what you believe they can become. A couple comes together because each brings out the best in each other not because they can be changed according to our ideal. I wonder how many wives have tried to change their husbands into something they're not only to be disappointed, disillusioned and divorced. A great relationship is built on appreciation for who the person is now not what you can make of them. Love for who they are and not some fantasy of what you dream you can make them to be. It's like saying I don't like you as you are and want you to be more like this. Try going up to a loved one and say Why can't you be more like...

God feels the same way. Don't make me into something I'm not. I AM that I AM. If that's not good enough, then we're not going to get very far [and they didn't did they] God knows our tendency to anthropomorphism, shaping God to fit our expectations. What are your expectations of God and how have you told Him you don't like Him as He is? Its like saying God I'm not satisfied with how You present yourself and want to create a model or church that is more respectable and easier for me to explain to my friends. I don't want to be embarrassed any more with relationship I can't point to. Why can't you be more like this...

(3) "You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

"Respect. Sometimes we engage in playful banter with those we love, but sometime that good humor can turn into sarcasm and have a biting, condescending tone that hurts those we love. We may joke about her cooking, about his waist, about her clothing, or about his receeding hairline. But when we do, we slowly kill them in our hearts. I believe you can destroy a woman's self-esteem by criticising her looks and you can destroy a man's by criticizing his ability to provide for his family successfully. Belittling someone destroys their self-esteem and eventually destroys the respect you have for that person. When you no long respect them, can there be any love left? How you honor God's name before your friends and especially before God reflects your love and the level of intimacy."

(4) "Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy."

"Take time to fan the flames. There are certain things married couples must do together build a life together and to make a home. There's laundry, cooking, cleaning, yard work, groceries,  home repair, etc. The list is endless and in this endless list it is easy to lose each other. We can so easily get in routines of Monday work schedule, running after children and events,  home care that we eventually make our relationship fit into a routine as well. For acouple to have vital growing strong relationship that will stand the test of time, they must feast on each other by themselves without the destractions of task and to-do lists. If a couple considering marriage were to commit to a regular date-nite, they would essentially be giving their relationship a high priority by saying "this is what our lives are all about and nothing is going to crowd it out." God wants the same priority. If you want a spiritual life and relationship with God that will stand the test of time, you must feast on Him through regular worship, sacraments, and prayer. He wants to give us so much of Himself but only if we can give Him the time. The most precious commodity that we have is the time we are given on this earth to share with those we love.

These first four commandments help us to see that God wants a relationship, not legalism.

Exclusivity

Valued

Respected

Intimacy

Related posts:

10 Commandments of Marriage [part II] The Meaning of Marriage Anatomy of Love A Better You & Me