Fact #1: Life isn't worth living without healthy relationships. Fact #2: Relationships are hard work. There I said it. Are you surprised? Everyone has relationships, they come with being alive, but does everyone have healthy relationships? I don’t think so. Most people feel that relationships should be like breathing, you just do it, and when you stop doing it they bury you. Bad metaphor and wrong thinking. It will get you in trouble every time.  The first problem is that your relationships, or your style of relationship, is exactly that, yours. Depending on your background, family history, heritage and perhaps a dozen other factors, your relationships will be different and sometimes dysfunctional because of who you are not who they are. Second, relationships evolve. Ask anyone married for more than 10 years and you’ll find that they’ve morphed into a new kind of relationship based on their shared history. It isn’t that there is just more of it, it’s fundamentally different. Most couples start outward appearances, but if they last, they morph into a spiritual thing.  But if you want to have the kind of relationship we all really want, and I know everyone does, then it takes work. Are you surprised yet? Does anything worth having every come without some effort, some commitment or some barrier that must be crossed? Perhaps the greatest barrier is to know someone’s heart, to get past all the window dressing of the soul and catch a glimpse of the child within desperately wanting to be loved but terrified of the consequences if they are rejected at the soul level.  That’s why I work for the church. My mission is to break through the patently peculiar paradigms people construct that make them miserable. They look at the world through the wrong end of a telescope and believe there’s not much to it. Turn the stupid thing around and look at the world the right way. The world is not waiting for you to consume more of it but to find more of yourself in the short span of time you’re given.  Unfortunately in our techno-saavy world, time has shortened and doing the work of the soul has all but vanished. At least in the industrialized world. Let me see if I can give you an example.  Imagine you over hear the following conversation:  On a Tuesday afternoon as is your custom you pack your bag and head a local YMCA facility to work the kinks out, to feel the blood rush in your veins and to generally feel alive after 8 hours in front of a desk. You come to the desk to check in when you notice a man who is very angry, very large and very frustrated pounding on the counter of YMCA demanding his money back and full apology from the manager for their blatantly false advertising and total lack of customer service. This looks interesting so you stick around. Staring him in the face is physically fit 20 something young lady, perhaps her first job, who is no match for this irate customer. She retreats behind the counter, flustered and unsure know how to respond. She does what anyone of us would do, she gets the manager before things get out of hand.   "What can I do for you," he asks politely trying to diffuse the tension? "I want my money back and a full apology. I paid you people over $500 for a year membership with the expectation of losing weight, feeling better about myself and looking like I was 20 years younger, but I got none of that. Today I'm heavier, more exhausted than I've ever been and more frustrated that your promises of a better life aren't true. You lied to me and you know it!"  The manager is beside himself and wants to know how they could have failed him. As manager he can personally vouch for the benefits the YMCA has to offer. What promises had they made and what expectations did they created. What went wrong? A few probing questions perhaps were in order. So the manager begins his diagnosis… “How often do you come the YMCA?” – “Once a month. I'm busy!” “How often do you watch what your diet? – “I don't. That the problem I paid you to fix!” “Have you participated any of our training classes? – “I said I'm busy! I don’t have time for that stuff! Do you have an on-line version for my lifestyle?” “Have you been lifting weights, swimming, walking or anything that might raise your heart rate? – “Is there a less demanding way?” “Tell me about your day. What do you do?” – “I’m a normal guy. I work in front of a computer from 8 to 5 but lately business has been poor so I’ve had to come a lot of weekends and evenings, maybe 60 hours a week. I don’t normally eat much for breakfast but fortunately there are always donuts and the vending machine. When I get home I need my newspaper to get my mind off things before my wife and kids hand me their needs. But I’m like everyone else.”  “Sir, we're here to help you, encourage you and provide the best tools and techniques for losing weight, changing your lifestyle and achieving all you want in life, but it requires effort on your part and some pain. You must do the work, there simply is no other way.”  “That sounds like too legalistic to me and just more institutional mumbo jumbo. You people are all same. It’s all about the rules, habits and rituals. You take the fun out of life. I want to lose weight my way, in my time and without all the “giving up stuff”. Why can't you be more relevant to my busy, hectic lifestyle? Next thing you'll say is that I should repent! You're nothing but health club hypocrite. Why don’t you change the way you do business for a modern culture!"  "Give him his money back," the manager said shaking his head, "we can't do anything here."  The man left, more bitter, disillusioned and more certain that he was right and weight loss and a healthy body was possible without all the legalism if he just continue to look.  You may be surprised to learn that I believe he will eventually find what he's looking for, as most people do. There are all kinds of promises of easy living, 5 minute cardio, pills, diets and surgeries that will take the pound off without any effort whatsoever. Where there is a market of fools there will be sellers of dreams.  But it is a cycle. Lasting change, healthy relationships with others and with God come at a prices. You have to put the work in.  In the next couple of weeks I’ll highlight some of the healthy steps that will change your life, your relationships and your outlook if you’ll do the work.   “You can develop a healthy robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.” (James 3:18 Msg)    FAMILY (n)  A fundamental social group of two or more people who share mutually accepted goals and values having long-term commitments to one another in a safe environment for learning the habits of love, forgiveness, trust necessary to understand the meaning of life. (Steve Gedon's definition)